The twin bond

Sharing a moment, playing an app

We didn’t experience the almost supernatural bond between our boys that many other twin parents talk about…the secret language, the shared connection.

In fact, what we experience most of the time is two kids who exist not just apart from one another, but in separate worlds. Two boys who share almost no interests, as different from one another as any siblings can be (physical similarities aside).

And yet there are these moments when a bond does make itself apparent, its existence indisputable. For example, seeing C revel in M’s enjoyment of an iPad app (see photo above), or finding them sleeping together, arms and legs entangled, faces an inch or two apart.

I now know they are connected — perhaps not in that special twin way, if such a thing even exists. But I know that, despite my earlier fears, my boys love one another very much. Even a newfound sibling rivalry is welcomed, because it means engagement, entanglement, connection.

And, once again, I find myself letting go of “normal” or “typical.” (What is normal or typical anyway?) Instead, when I can let go of those expectations, I find myself open to experiencing something else, something even better.


C in respose

I have not always been the most grateful person. In fact, when I used to hear people talk about how gratitude was a gift, I thought they were being a bit disingenuous.

Then, over the span of a few years, a lot of stuff went wrong. I lost dear friends and family, both to untimely deaths and departures. C developed serious health issues, and developmental issues followed soon after. My career was foundering, and financial worries came along for the ride.

But then. Nestled in among the bad stuff was a lot of great stuff. Some of it was new, a lot of it was old, things I just hadn’t noticed before. (Maybe because, you know, I wasn’t looking for it.)

Continue Reading →

What I’ve been reading – November 2014

C walking

Here are some things I’ve read this past month that I found helpful, informative, or inspiring. If you like this and find it helpful, please share with others. Thanks!

Divisions in the autism community. The tragic murder of little London McCabe this month has sparked a lot of discussion about how autism is represented in the media and elsewhere. In a Facebook post which argues that divisiveness in the autism community might actually be a good thing, the always excellent Invisible Strings writes, “Today, thanks in large part to the internet and social media, autistics are contributing their own perspectives. Turns out: we have a slightly different view of things. We don’t want to be hidden away or eradicated. We want respect.” He goes on to write, “Negative views about autism are the norm…and for too long, they were the only view. Division means that new voices are being heard. This is good.” Read more.

Continue Reading →